How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
