white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We got so high we made milksteak
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
