So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
