Non-Jews are for practice
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
