I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
