Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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