I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
