Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
