Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
