No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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