awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize