I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
