You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
