the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
