whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
