I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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