Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
