Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Houston, we have a squirter
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
