That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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