I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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