youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize