No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
