I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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