This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
