I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
