Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize