Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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