Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
