i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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