oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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