before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
