I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
