OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
