After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
