So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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