DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize