My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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