I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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