the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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