You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
