only if we run a train.
done.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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