Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
