I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
