She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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