I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Green mimosas i think yes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
They are going to name an STD after you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Holy shit dude........stairs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
