I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
