Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
