u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize