i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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