It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
