Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
