You smell like stripper and shame
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I did not marry a roomba.
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