Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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