you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
