Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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