Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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