I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
