But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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