when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
