Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
