The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
