My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
