I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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