so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
