so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
