No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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